Assignment frenzy to start...

Today the assignment frenzy should start. However so far I am calm. The cold that caused a week off work is still not completely clear. The trauma of Christmas is nearly over, I am no longer stressed anyway and have spent one of the gifts on decent music that should arrive in time to reward me for assignment completion. I have of course done thinking, which is kind of like planning but less focused. We therefore have "one of the key areas to look at in the MIE assignment is Self Esteme" we have the key trigger event - the Supervision on 12th November. We have the initial refelection from 15th nov, the flash of insipriation recorded 16th November, I need to revisit the work from the lectures we did early on that I recollect annoyed me so much in my "yes I have low self esteme and live with it WHY is this a problem mode" and probably need to read a bit futher to tie it up but today it is the 1/2 way house point. How am I a month on? I feel the truth has begun to be asymaltated into my life. Without this course I am not convinced I'd have had the inspiration - whilst the trigger was the supervision, the cause of the trigger was course related. I am of course wildly frustrated by it as I want to move on imediately and find something to stretch me but also really rather pleased that I am forced to bathe in the release for a while, not something we tend to allow ourselves to do enough. I'm also of the mind that being forced to stay in the same place will consolidate the realisation that I am good enough to do more demanding things and so when I do so the foundations will be secure enough to keep moving forward. I suspect the whole "I'll never be a good enough teacher so I broke" life phase may have suffered from the lack of confidence in the foundations.

Had a massive relapse over the Xmas period - cold infested as I was and meeting the chaps parents for the first time. I did the twittering on thing that is my barrier against the world thing rather excessively but I am afraid they have not made sufficiently good an impression on me to think that warrents too much concern. Clearly they love their son to bits, clearly they are of the "my hobbies are valid, yours are teenage ones to be grown out of" school of thinking, clearly they suffer from "academia is a superior profession to all others" (what is it about non and late graduates which makes so many of them fail to see that all professions are equally valid and the job of analyising data on health is no less a worthwhile job than a statistical analysis of Tony's MPs rebellions?). However they have made me realise that my parents have a lot of bonuses over many - like they do not troop out stories of what I did as a child and then proceed to treat me as that age of child until the next story from a different age comes out. I was massively releived when they left as I no longer felt I should be proving myself worthy, which was never going to be possible. But of course I am, and who are they to judge? I suspect the whole parents visiting may put a blip in the personal life that can just wait until coursework is over. If it doesn't then the personal life fails a key test and will not be perservered with.