Mind maps

Repeat after me "I must not mention mind maps to anyone, I must not mention mind maps to anyone" I have done something terrible and now if I mention mind maps people start explaining them and talking around them and stuff. It is of course all my own fault. I was trying to get to grips with these about 4 months ago when I read Tony Buzans speed reading book (which of course is now on hold because of this course... That's silly isn't it?) and had a bit of a problem because I wanted an exercise to practice and someone to check it and asked a couple of people who then... Explained what they think of as mind maps, in such a way that I became more confused. I guessed there wasn't a right or wrong way, I just wanted a check that I was pointing in the right direction because it seemed dreadfully complicated trying to do stuff not in lines and lists (because I think in words more than pictures, this is the person who dreams she is reading a newspaper and loathed art with a passion because it was the only thing I was bad at at school and had teachers who deliberately humiliated you, reinforced at university by Dr Hughes and his "you clearly can't see what is in the microscope as you haven't drawn it" battle. Humiliation does scar you badly).
Anyway, on the train on Friday I did the left/right brain exercise and found I fell almost in the centre of the double dominant brain score. Which made sense to me - I'm left handed which seems to force you to be more ambi everything as far as I can see. I have always done what other people call flights of fancy (which I see as logical) as much as logic (which often doesn't seem so to me eg if you miss a step in a mathematically proof it'll usually loose me).

The next section was this mind map thing. I had to stop in the end - the pictures were freaking me out - me and my art trauma thing above, and well you don't really want to end up in tears on a packed out train! Not to mention what the blobby thing that had been drawn to be a centre of your "do a mind map of mind maps" exercise looked like... The clean version is a McDonald's arch over a cesspit - (which to be fair exactly represents a drive thru!) although I did see it as a vagina with B******s hanging out of it prior to this, which is a very disturbing image. So I didn't do the exercise on the train. Nor did I do it on Saturday as the picture tears welled up. I steeled myself this evening and got paper and did it without the pictures. I have now realised that mind maps are partially so useful because you have to redo them so often to render them legible you have done so much repetition that of course it's beginning to stick in your head. You can start to visualise the lists and perhaps there is hope for me yet.

Tried the 2nd exercise of a map of learning development. That has proved harder - partly because I want the neatness of the SWOT (and I don't like having to redo stuff I've done in another format and found useful, because I'm impatient) and partly because I can't think of any other categories to add, and the career thing is rearing it's ugly head again. I don't know! I want to be here to learn stuff so that in a years time I can pull the strands together and think "this is where my career should now head" but I feel that for the sake of this module I need to be thinking "this is where my career should be heading, how do the things I am learning help me" this feels like a closing in path and I want to be on the broadening out path. I think I should bite the bullet and start working to the assignment, get that done then go back to grasping the learning.

Back to the mustn't mention though - my housemate came in from work as I was doing this and threw in some stuff because she remembered I'd had this trauma before, but I've been explaining myself so badly yet again and I sort of felt that I was unraveling, instead of just saying "I can see a use for this" in a closing down conversation tone of voice I do it in an opening up tone of voice and I end up thinking I must have missed the point again somewhere. I don't think I have. I do think that "this is a tool that can be useful, manipulate it how you will" I no longer think mind map says "lists are bad evil and to be avoided". When will I internalise that other people's interpretation is not necessarily the one I should get to grips with? I know logically that just because it's my interpretation doesn't make it less valid, I just don't seem to apply this knowledge. The more I do my course stuff the more I feel I should move away from the hippy stuff and pursue the traditional logic approach, but I can see no other solution than to play an affirmation in my head from now until I accept that my idea can be a valid one. Afterall if I can't accept the possibility that my opinion is worth anything then how can I every manage situations with intergrity (as opposed to the way I currently manage them by pretending to be in charge, applying the "pretend something for long enough people start to believe it rule" as usual). Rats. I want to believe I might be thinking too hard, but I'm afraid I'm not thinking hard enough.

Thankfully the 6 hat stuff makes sense - would love to be in an environment where people could try using it, will just have to try using it on me.

Plan for tomorrow - Don't speak in class, pay attention, shut up and remember just because someone else says it doesn't make it more valid than your opinion. Report back if I succeed.