Assignment frenzy day 2

Not very frenzied as yet. I have a problem. I don't seem to have grasped exactly what the 5 topic headings in the Marketing assignment mean which is making it very difficult to address them. I have lots of stuff about my org and not very much about references, which comes back to the lack of grasp. DOH! If only he had used these headings at some point in the lecture course, if only they were in the glossaries of some of the text books! I am beginning to wade in treacle. It's quite bizarre that doing my MIE assignment is being reserved as a reward for achieving some of the marketing one!

I appear to have lost the CV print out and stuff so far on the MIE though... And a rather important bit of the assignment brief... Like the bit that says how many learning logs. Now I think that's not written down, I think we had a conversation that basically said "take about 8 of the core issues and explore them as learning experiences" . Why is it that that which seems so clear at the time becomes so confused as the assignment deadline approaches? Is that why people who learn from experience seem to suffer so much less than people who do courses? Or is it just that people who do courses have a lot more clarity about what they have learned because they have been more systematic in their methods? However reading the assignment assessment criteria really has left me well in the dark! I feel a break is required and a new start tomorrow! Yes have managed to get the 1st slideshow off webct and it gives me some clues. However these clues suggest that the learning logs for the assignment should be different from the actual learning log here and should be ones created specifically for the purpose of handing in. Hmm the war of "useful learning tools" and "tools to pass assignments" always rears it's ugly head somewhere...

Assignment frenzy to start...

Today the assignment frenzy should start. However so far I am calm. The cold that caused a week off work is still not completely clear. The trauma of Christmas is nearly over, I am no longer stressed anyway and have spent one of the gifts on decent music that should arrive in time to reward me for assignment completion. I have of course done thinking, which is kind of like planning but less focused. We therefore have "one of the key areas to look at in the MIE assignment is Self Esteme" we have the key trigger event - the Supervision on 12th November. We have the initial refelection from 15th nov, the flash of insipriation recorded 16th November, I need to revisit the work from the lectures we did early on that I recollect annoyed me so much in my "yes I have low self esteme and live with it WHY is this a problem mode" and probably need to read a bit futher to tie it up but today it is the 1/2 way house point. How am I a month on? I feel the truth has begun to be asymaltated into my life. Without this course I am not convinced I'd have had the inspiration - whilst the trigger was the supervision, the cause of the trigger was course related. I am of course wildly frustrated by it as I want to move on imediately and find something to stretch me but also really rather pleased that I am forced to bathe in the release for a while, not something we tend to allow ourselves to do enough. I'm also of the mind that being forced to stay in the same place will consolidate the realisation that I am good enough to do more demanding things and so when I do so the foundations will be secure enough to keep moving forward. I suspect the whole "I'll never be a good enough teacher so I broke" life phase may have suffered from the lack of confidence in the foundations.

Had a massive relapse over the Xmas period - cold infested as I was and meeting the chaps parents for the first time. I did the twittering on thing that is my barrier against the world thing rather excessively but I am afraid they have not made sufficiently good an impression on me to think that warrents too much concern. Clearly they love their son to bits, clearly they are of the "my hobbies are valid, yours are teenage ones to be grown out of" school of thinking, clearly they suffer from "academia is a superior profession to all others" (what is it about non and late graduates which makes so many of them fail to see that all professions are equally valid and the job of analyising data on health is no less a worthwhile job than a statistical analysis of Tony's MPs rebellions?). However they have made me realise that my parents have a lot of bonuses over many - like they do not troop out stories of what I did as a child and then proceed to treat me as that age of child until the next story from a different age comes out. I was massively releived when they left as I no longer felt I should be proving myself worthy, which was never going to be possible. But of course I am, and who are they to judge? I suspect the whole parents visiting may put a blip in the personal life that can just wait until coursework is over. If it doesn't then the personal life fails a key test and will not be perservered with.

week 12 lessons

Not really lessons today. We had a tutorial on data - that was useful in the "make Iola feel she's got a better grip than others" sense but in the "make Iola feel she actually knows what is going on" sense was a bit lacking - poor others! Then had Data lecture - that was very useful - project planning and gant charts hold little fear for me now (clearly I'm derranged). A quick run through of the exam paper by the tutor in his "I'm only looking at this now" and "it would appear these are the topics you need to focus on over Xmas" was quite reassuring - I think the headache was getting quite bad at that point so I may have been missunderstanding however.

Then had a "module review" with Helen of the MIE module. This was actually far more positive than I had anticiapted. I was under the impression that many people were a lot more unhappy than they let on. I was reassured that I wasn't the only one who had learnt a lot but maybe had found it hard learning in places. This education business is a lark - there's no predicting what people will say. Sadly I do have an awful lot to do over the Xmas period to get the assignments in and have also got a blinding headache so the reflection is pretty poor here. Tomorrow between wrapping presents for the post I think finding assignment briefs and making a plan may be in order!

unreflective

Hmmm it would appear I have been remiss for a while. I keep meaning to write after school at least but it just slips away. Yesterday we had the last session of Marketing and the last session of MIE (next week its a course review for MIE) Marketing really is still all very vague. I'm going for the "this is what Sure Start Burley is about, this is what we do, this is what we could do better" kind of approach I think. I'd renew all the books I took out of the library but the website is down so there may be a problem or 2 there. Just to throw extra issues into the marketing mix (ha) the new "Everychildmatters" stuff came out last week that changes where we are going in the next few years so long term planning will be interesting. Who says public sector isn't at the cutting edge of go getting marketing? If I stop having to sell services about children will it make me dislike them any less? I've noticed a marked increase in my child hatred since I planned my marketing assignment... "Children - beat them 3 times a day whether they need it or not" is not an advertising slogan I'm going to be alowed to use is it? Nor "Defy reality bring your children up without state intervention" .

MIE is another mine field. Was greatly entertained last week by one of our groups take on assertiveness/aggression. Different contexts different behaviour comes to mind. This week we did stuff about stress. The health questionnaire and it's "stress indicators" seemed a bit off the mark to me. Is "finding it hard to get out of bed on a morning" really a stress indicator? - I can never get up within 15 mins of the alarm but that's just sleepy not stressed. If it said "do you find it hard to get out of bed on due to your anticipation of the days events" I could understand. Several of the "stress" symptoms seem to me things that are going to happen once a month for most women of childbearing age. Others seemed to be quite seasonal - I feel gloomy quite a lot but I suspect it's mainly due to the time of year, Xmas coming and the festival of consumerism (agravated this year by doing a Marketing module I fear), combined with the cold, damp and grey really aren't going to put a happy spring in a reptiles step (OK so I'm not a reptile but I seem to react to cold like one)

I guess my take on stress is still jaundiced from previous experience "have you found yourself thinking about suicide as a rational solution to your workload recently?" being my "I am too stressed" indicator probably is a bit extreme but hey - that's teaching for you, it just seemed normal at the time. The more I ask people who teach in 2ndary education and FE/have taught the more I find this is normal behaviour for that profession. That's why so many of us leave, we realise it is not right. I still feel having been there has it's plus - no matter how glum you feel because it's wet, cold, december and you haven't motivated yourself to do your marketing assignment (again) there is always the silver lining "at least I'm still here to feel glum and see the wet and the cold".

Poor Helen - she tried to liven things up with a video last night that had potential - understanding how to use others' stress to improve performance. Sadly the quality sucked and instead of going for the "right the pictures are too appauling but the verbal element is what is important so I'm going to switch off the visuals and play the soundtrack" option she left the pictures running (not that it was necessarily possible to do audio without visual I guess). Everyone was a picture of switched off at the end. It was heavy going, I zoned out a lot (that and the fact that it was some fat american bloke telling you how to be a better sports coach ... I thought americans didn't do irony) but the points behind it about winding up, focus and winding people down were interesting and as a manager could have lots of applications.

I think I am in a frustrating place now with the MIE stuff. I've put enough distance in on it to want to be in a position to apply it but I need to move on work wise to do so. However I need to stay here to complete the course and I'm getting more and more sense of "I'm bored now, want to play somewhere else". Consolidation is the key - and practicing delegation and explanation on my minion I guess.

Last week got to be one of the clever kids at data analysis - I seem to be able to follow the explanations OK but I'm not convinced I could do it myself. Luckily we have a bunch of extra sessions to go. Fingers crossed all will be well.