2nd Assignment Frenzy

Well I didn't learn last time and we have assignment phrenzy all over again. I took a week off to do assignments a couple of weeks ago but I didn't achieve as much as I'd hoped. I am now pleased to say that I have done as much as I'm going to do on the Finance assignment. It sits pristine waiting to be photocopied on tuesday at work and then I can submit it the following monday. There is logic in this - we have a residential for 3 days this week and if something comes up there I may have to alter the damn things but hopefully not.

I am now trying to finalise my Operations management one. This is a pig. I sent a chunk in for review and got back some very depressing feedback - and then my checking that "is it currently a fail" has not been responded to... Well the tutor has got the completely wrong idea about why I'm doing this so I've tried to clear that up. She referred me to the vast tracts of research about sure start project working with other organisations.... Yes we do that bit pretty well actually its the whole internal bit we have issues with. So I now refer to all this research as "we can do this bit, so why don't we do this bit?"

The Business Environment assignment is lurking in a dubious state. I've done lots of writing and suggested to myself the kind of materials it's drawing from. Just need to find these materials and cut down bunches of stuff and put in some more academic kind of references. Thats all HA HA Hopefully a days work tomorrow.

What have I learned from all this?

well 1. bank holidays are indeed for doing course work - I've been doing this for the last 10 years, since 1993 and the NVQ portfolio, the 1st teaching qual year, the 7307, then the2 years of PGCE, now I'm doing this. Guess what every year I spend it doing things that, because I have to study them, I'm no longer interested in them. And this is the first year I have recognised that I'm just not going to change am I? If I have to do it for a certificate the goal is the certificate and I no longer enjoy it.
2. Therefore I should stop chasing certificates - I was interested in this stuff before I started the course (and I recognise that I will be interested again once it is over) therefore DONT DO THE COURSES! Certificates clearly do not show you know stuff.
3. I resent study. I get angry at having to do it to the exclusion of all else.
4. I enjoy learning stuff for the fun of it, I enjoy following the tangents, I enjoy the mianderings but I have no time for Academic rigour. I like stuff to be well researched for me, not doing the research myself, I am a consumer of knowledge not a distiller of it.

5. I now have the confidence (see all that stuff from last novemeber) in myself to realise that I am bright, the bits of paper don't make me bright. I just need to go out there and do it. All the study actually undermines my sense of self. Because people come back and say "have you looked at ..." I interpret that as "they are so much better than you we want you to be like that" but it actually means "they've spent more time working at it and found out X. You can utilise this."

6. I no longer have any respect for my boss. He has started to use my coursework as a way to remind me I'm not ready to move on to a new job yet. When I suggested I may have time to look around once it's complete he got very "but lets not put the cart before the horse" he knows I'm ready to move on, but rather than encourage me (right oh get your skates on, I need to be able to find someone who is committed to us, as Carol did) he's taking the try to get her to stay option. I know it would be easy - 6 months of drifting on having an easy time...but then I'd have the whole self doubt start up and the added moral dilemna of "well there is only a short while to run on your contact now. How will they find a good replacement, how can you leave them in the lurch?"
7. I can use reflection to avoid work...